I got into this field because I am fascinated by the human body. How to nourish it, to understand what it needs, how to learn the tools to actually heal yourself by diet and lifestyle changes alone (in some cases). I dipped my toes into the world of health and wellness by learning these topics for my own personal interest. It was only later where I realized ‘why not get certified and make this into my career?’
I started a course in sports nutrition, getting my foundation covered as a nutrition specialist… And I really enjoyed it!
I would start to shift my daily habits as I learned new studies. Changed a few details about my diet, tried a variety of workouts. I was practicing what I was preaching…Until I wasn’t.
I then became certified as an Integrative Health Practitioner and dove a bit deeper. I started to feel like “the best version” of myself. I felt light and energized. My skin was clear, I had very little moments of “ugh I feel so gross and bloated”. As I said, I felt great.
Now here is where I went wrong.
I know, I know, You shouldn’t regret the past, you can only learn from your mistakes. The problem was, I was blinded by my wrongdoings. I preached a healthy balanced life, and me, being a disciplinarian, stripped any balance from my lifestyle. I started to think more literal over that vague line where it’s okay to cross.
If a client came to me asking if they can have a treat over the weekend or food they know their body doesn’t react well to, I would always assure them “Absolutely!” There is no harm in a little pleasure once in a while. It won’t throw you off your game, it is actually quite healthy to allow yourself these little treats.
But for me, well, I didn’t really “want them” or “need them” I was okay to live life without those processed goodies. I mean, I was far away from indulging in a cheesy pizza, my stomach could quite literally not handle it. But chocolate with a little bit of cane sugar? Eh, I can do without.
It wasn’t too bad. As I said, I didn’t need those treats and I didn’t feel restricted. The only problem was, my body was in this constant state of fight or flight. By exercising on an empty stomach early morning, on my feet all day, intermittently fasting, stress from being a mom, stresses that came with starting a business, untreated chronic anxiety. I ignored the message that I would always highlight to all my clients: Just stop! Relax and rest! You need those moments of restoration in order to have that equilibrium in life.
But I was too busy to pick up on those signs. I loved working out to a state of exhaustion, I loved walking everywhere (not having a license helps.) I loved working and hated “doing nothing”. If only… Could of, Would of, Should of…
So here is when the knowledge I accumulated over the past 6,7 years started becoming too overwhelming. I started feeling as though my gut was messed up, I experienced flu-like symptoms and my body started to feel weak. I figured this was probably what was called ‘being in a burnout state’ and I decided to rest for a day or two.
It will go away and then several months later, return. Again, I would rest for a couple of days and the cycle went on. Unfortunately, the cycle started getting shorter and I would notice every three months it’ll show up again. Then every month. I still continued to take quick breaks and hop right back on to my regular, busy life.
And mind you, I study stress ad nauseam. I knew all about the sympathetic/ parasympathetic state. Fight and flight, HPA Axis - the whole nine yards. Something didn’t click in my head how much I needed to practice what I have learned. I really do believe how we all have that mentality of ‘Oh, it won’t happen to me’ and ‘I’ll be okay’. You don’t realize when you’re doing the damage until the damage is already done.
Late last year was when these signs started creeping up. The weight gain that I brushed off as “a little bloat” until it stopped feeling like bloat. The PMS symptoms which for my whole pre-pubescent years never really had to deal with (spoiler alert - PMS is actually not normal, you don’t have to feel like that every month.) Then the hoarse voice, the brain fog, Really. Bad. Brain fog.
It took a while for me to stop guessing what was wrong and test. Sure enough, my whole “inner factory” which is my endocrine system was off. Hormones were extremely high and extremely low. My thyroid was trying really hard to work its best and my cortisol levels were all over the spectrum.
Being in that mental space of “Ok, I really want to heal myself” can lead you down a rabbit hole. I was determined to get back to the healthiest version of myself, Mainly to fight off all that impatience I was feeling. I didn’t like the insecurities that came with being “imbalanced and unwell”. I was a health coach and needed to be the best spokesperson for my clientele.
The thing is, when you have all this knowledge archived in your brain; you might have too much information that becomes too much for your brain’s capacity. I started with focusing on the timing of my meals, because if you eat at a certain time your blood sugar may spike too high then drop. I made sure that my stomach was done with digestion before the next meal… whatever that meant. Anything that would bring on any “toxins” or “stress” was now not in arms reach.
Then the daily rituals, Sleeping at the right temperature for a good night’s rest, eating a certain way, cook these foods but not too much, make sure you’re eating enough but if you want to lose weight not too much! breathe a certain way! The more information the more indulgent you can get.
It didn’t feel as bad as I am describing it. These habits became second nature and weren’t disturbing my regular programing. It was the mental state of wake up: Health-related podcast, read a few articles about hormones, study more about the thyroid, go over my tests and see how I’m progressing, speak with clients and inform them with the information that will benefit them, worry about your kid’s health… because that’s always a back of head kind of worry… And that was just a Monday.
I started a 21 days liver detox, which I still completely stand behind the many benefits it includes. It helped me in the past, helped many clients, and I felt like my body can use a quick kick in the butt in the “healing process” department.
Yes, it all happens the way it should. We all have these struggles in order for us to learn from, experience, and grow, but… was a detox really what my body needed right then? Going off carbs, restricting my food/fuel.
My body was in a stressed out, burned out state. By now adding on these stressors, by taking away my body’s energy stores, just created a counter-productive effect. My symptoms exacerbated and went in the complete opposite direction. Even though I documented every step of my detox on social media, even though I praised the benefits and warned how the Herxheimer reactions may be hard but “be strong, you can do it!” Even though my pride was hurt for a moment, I then went off the detox. Completed 14/21 days.
After conversations with my mom, my therapist, with a self healer (check out my latest podcast episode with Meredith - shameless plug), I then realized that it was time to step back from all this noise and let life happen. Continue to live that healthy lifestyle I love without the headache of counting hours, checking temperatures, focusing on any little possible symptom. Just live and the healing process will follow.
When you’re paying too much attention to a feeling, It won’t ever go away. If you notice a bump in your arm and play and touch it all day, those sensors will be extremely apparent if not now irritated. It is not like you can ‘Matilda’ your thoughts into moving an object or symptom away. It’s only when your mind gets away from those thoughts that you think “Oh, my headache went away.”
So I am doing just that. Taking my mind off things that won’t help the situation. Stepping back into the mind frame of thinking, “what do I need right now?” Is it a cup of coffee? Is it gluten? Is it actually a healthy salad which I actually enjoy? Is it rest? A walk outside? A talk with a friend? Some silence?
Now, as a mother and as someone who wants to heal, I do have some restrictions. It is okay to have some boundaries and structure but not allow it to overwhelm you. Try to make that thought process more part of your lifestyle and sometimes say “no I would love to indulge but maybe now is not the right time.”
See where it takes you.
